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Ten Clue(less) Dating Hints Learned From Dedicated Movie Watching
1. People who hate each other on sight usually end up falling in love. ("The Way We Were," "Titanic," most Astaire/Rogers movies)  Actually, people who hate each other when they first meet usually work very hard to avoid each. If you ever tried the sort of things Hollywood calls "meeting cute" - mixed-up luggage, mistaken identities, fender-benders - you wouldn't have a better chance of ending up in court instead of a table for two.
2. If the person isn't interested, or loses interest, pursue them twice as hard. (see above)  Screenwriters love this one - scenes of rejected suitors (chiefly men) showing up with picket signs, camping outside homes  or lying in wait by office buildings are in everything from silent comedies to "Say Anything." In Hollywood, this dedication marks you as a sensitive soul and often results in true love. In real life, it marks you as a stalker and usually results in a restraining order.
3. If you're a man, try pretending you're gay. Women will be instantly intrigued. ("A Very Special Favor," "Three to Tango")  No, not really. They may, however, quiz you on the latest Hollywood gossip, beg for exfoliating tips or ask if their tangerine capris make their butts look big. No, tell the truth. Do they, really?
4. If you're gay, don't worry about approaching that straight person. He/She is latently gay anyway, and will eventually thank you. ("Bedrooms and Hallways," "Claire of the Moon," almost any other indie movie)  No, not really. They might, however, end up turning red, pouring their drink in your lap or punching you in the nose.
5. Looks are unimportant to most women, as long as you're funny. ("The Graduate," "The Tao of Steve")   A firmly cherished belief, particularly among lumpy studio executives who believe they get all those dates because they're charming.  Somewhat true in real life, although it should be pointed out that Woody Allen is not just funny, but very funny and conveniently rich.
6. Looks are unimportant to most men, as long as you have a good personality. ("Frankie and Johnny," "The Truth About Cats and Dogs")  Even Hollywood doesn't really believe this; they know they're shallow. This is why homely guys in their movies are always played by homely guys and plain gals are always played by attractive women in sloppy clothes with bad hair.  Even so,  a polyester waitress uniform didn't make Michelle Pfeiffer any less gorgeous.
7. Upper-class gentlemen are secretly attracted to working-class gals who show them how to have fun. ("Pretty Woman," "Working Girl")  Undoubtedly true, if the gentleman is elderly and the working-class gal is Anna Nicole Smith. But, unfortunately, don't anticipate this result, unless you look the way Anna Nicole Smith used to and want to date very old men.
8. Upper-class ladies are secretly attracted to working-class guys who show them what it means to be a woman. ("Woman of the Year," "How Stella Got Her Groove Back")  Possibly true for brief periods, particularly on the last night of her Jamaican getaway, and you're a tight young hardbody, but just because it worked for Taye Diggs doesn't mean it's going to work for you.
9. Breakups are inevitable, but can usually be resolved by chasing the other person down the street or embarrassing them at work. ("Love With the Proper Stranger," "An Officer and a Gentleman," "love jones")  Actually, that's more likely to result in another  restraining order. See Clue 2.
10. On the unlikely chance you finally break-up, then meet again later , you'll share a meaningful, bittersweet moment. ("The Way We Were," "Now, Voyager," "Casablanca")  Extremely doubtful, really, compared to the chance that you'll fling insults, or dishes. As a highly impressionable film fan, though, there's an excellent chance you'll trudge home in a foul mood, open a bottle of beer or carton of ice cream, watch more movies and wonder, once again, why your love life can't match Hollywood's timeless cliches.

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